Day 419: Some comments Some Answers

Hello again my friends, and a worm welcome to the newcomers.

It’s now day number 419… wow… that’s a lot of days... and a lot of changes too...

So what going on… really? everything is good ,i cant remember the last time i had a real panic attack or depression...no side effects or anything like that ...that's nice...real nice.

"unfound said...Im afraid of taking the drug I was prescribed it, I have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and am dreadfully afraid this drug I will need till my dying death. There are ups and downs in getting into what I call my states, my episodes, creativity ensues but in those moments I feel like the world could end and it would be perfect... What were your major side effects, did the drug make you more alert? I am also in the process of being assessed by a specialist for Adult ADHD, It is highly likely that I do have it!"

Hey, i just want you to know that what you wrote about how perfect it will be if the world could just end is something that we ALL say to ourselves from time to time... i know i sure did and meant it.

i can assure you that all of us here (fellow readers)  said that at least once and really meant it.

let me say this... if i could take time back... i would and take the pill in a much earlier stage in my life, that would save me a lot of hassle for sure... about the side effects - just read the previous posts from day 1 and you'll be able to read exactly how it was for me... in a larger perspective the side effects are no match for the upside you get from this change in your life.

"Great blog! I've been on the 10mg since October 12. I suffer from anxiety when I try to go to sleep. I lay there thinking and waiting for the noises and think about tons of other things.I now cannot attend a party I wanted to go to. Does it take longer than 6 weeks? I'm all for trying this if it eventually works, but I'm starting to get a little edgy now."

first of all thank you, now about the 6 weeks - you need to keep at it and wait, it can take couple of weeks longer - but it worth it. don't screw it up and stop in the middle. congratulations on your new job and try to take things in perspective, there are many tips I've posted before you can read and help yourself... be patience... now about that party... how come you can't go? you can and should...look at it as a good experiment to check out if cipralex did something or not. and try to have some fun!

Melissa P - just wanted to thank you for your comments and for helping people and sharing your experiences to help us all :-)

I've noticed many of you talked about the sleeping and dreams issues... i will address that on a separate post.

thank you and in case I don't see ya, good afternoon , good evening, and good night!  

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Day 390: Forget and Rewind

What make us forget? Forget about how it used to be and just live the moment like that’s how it’s always been… I wonder a lot about that lately…

I’ve notice that lately I forgot that I’m on cipralex, I forgot that I used to experience panic attack, depression, flushes and stress…daily stress… on every silly little thing that happens…sometimes even on events that never took place…I guess it was the old “what if…” days…

You probably wonder why I am bringing this up, the reason for that is that in recent days I noticed I just forget that I’m cipralex and I act as if I’ve always been like I am now…

That’s good… but sometimes I also forget to take the pill on time…missed a day or two lately…

But it’s interesting … maybe it’s a sign I soon won’t need those pills…

Meanwhile I’m sticking to my plan and to the doc instructions…

I’m happy and stable…

It’s now been 390 days I’m the pill… and I’m not regretting it at all!

Probably was one of the smartest decisions I took in my life.

Take care now, I’m reading your comments always and it’s great to see you guys help each other.

I will post more soon.

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OMG: A Year with Cipralex

Hello again my friends and thank you for sharing your insights and experiences, your comments are helping many other people in the situation, so keep commenting, sharing and getting better.

Last night I was laying in my bed looking at my girlfriend sleeping while she hugs me, there was a good breeze coming from the window and the weather was just fine, then I realized again, wow, what a change…amazing…just amazing….(I mumbled that to myself) what wouldn’t I do a year ago to be in that position, everything was good, everything was awesome…

The change is dramatic and so noticeable…but sometimes when you’re inside something you don’t notice things… and it’s really important to stop – from time to time and realize what you achieved so far...

And honestly I think I’ve changed my life around, for the better.

Here’s a question I got for you guys, what have changed so far in your life? When was this moment when you said to yourself… things changed.

I’ve met with my doc got prescription for the next three months… all went smooth…meanwhile I’ll stick with cipralex…see what happens next…

Who knows? Maybe I’ll even get married. Lol.

Cheers and take care and keep helping each other.

Until next time

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Day 340... Have things really changed?

Friends,

Hope you’re all still in the game and getting better with each day.

It’s been a while since I last wrote something, been little busy lately…

It’s now day 340, soon I’ll be a year on cipralex…it’s time to stop for a second and appreciate what happened this year, how things changed, how my way of thinking and looking at things change – and it did…sure did.

Wow, I’m amazed at how easy it is to get use to things, to get use to feeling normal…to get use to not get use to think too much about things, and just flow.

A year ago…maybe a little bit less, I was so depressed, lonely and living on the edge, in this daily fear on everything I guess… I use to get panic attacks every single day…sometimes even couple times a day.

I wouldn’t go out, I would do everything in my power to avoid any social events and meeting new people was a nightmare…sometimes even walking down the street was a damn project…it’s amazing…just amazing…I can hardly remember how it felt like…which is good, very good. I now walk the streets, meet and interact with new people, I feel safe…I feel I can trust myself.

I have a beautiful girlfriend, good friends; I love my family and most important of all… I guess I made peace with myself… the improvement and changes I’ve going through all this time on cipralex are overwhelming sometimes…

I use to complicate things too much, think too much and I used to feel like I’m not in control…

I always knew, even back then…that I was stuck inside a bubble…or maybe a cell, a prison cell which I build for years…guess how that makes you feel…knowing you put yourself there, knowing your inside a bubble…but just can’t get out of it…

I guess it’s important for me to stop for a second…stop and appreciate myself for doing this for myself… I guess this is one of the most important things I’ve done for me ever…

I do not regret my decision to take cipralex…it was a hard call to make but I made it…and for that I’m grateful too… things are working out, soon I’m meeting my psychiatrist again, see what he have to say…he will probably suggest to continue three more months… but it doesn’t matter, taking cipralex is a very small price to pay for the benefits of rebuilding your life…rebuilding yourself.

Btw I can now say that all the side effects are totally 100% gone, so the only hassle is to take the pill once a day…

I still haven’t told anyone about me taking this pill…and I’m not going to…at least not in the near future…

I know some of you disagree and say its as if I’m judging my friends or gf, but I’m not…I just think that I’m not ready for that yet…maybe society isn’t ready too…

It’s funny; yesterday I met my friend new girlfriend…sounds silly right? Today it is….no big deal….i haven’t really thought about it much…just didn’t care…:) a year ago I would think about it so much I get panic attack all day…just because I’m meeting someone I don’t know…

Things change – remember that folks, sometimes they change so fast, you don’t even notice.

Take care now

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Day 316: more questions...more answers :)

Some quesiton you guys asked in the comments: Hi doll khan, when to stop...? thats a good question... I guess the answet is when you feel that you can... wait couple of months more and gradually you can stop... but ask your doc. thats why you pay him anyway :-)

rose khan - "awsome blog just tell me some times i feeel numbness and lightness in my head does the same happens to u??" yes it does but I hardly notice it anymore..with time it will go away totally...


Hi Melissa P, Its great to hear you're doing something about it, thats a big thing, good luck and update us on how it goes...I'm sure you're already started to feel the change in your life... Hi Susan, I realy think you should consult your doctor, I think 40mg is a big dose of cipralex... maybe too big... if cipralex doesn't work for you, you should over-dose it just switch to another pill that will work. do not take so many pills without consulting your doc... did he recommended that? Stay tuned... soon a new post will come :)

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You Asked...I Answer

this is a comment I got lately with good value in it...so I decided to post it:

Great blog... im gunna link it in one of the forums I visit often. Cipralex has also changed my life in so many ways, it's really allowed me to get back to being ME. This question is directed to the writer of this blog: I understand that you are on 20 mg right now, which is the highest dose. What do you plan on doing once that dose starts to wear off or gradually becomes ineffective? (humans develop a tolerance to any type of drug eventually). Since you are kind of "maxed out" right now, do you see yourself switching over to paxil in the future? Have you given this any thought?

Hi there, and thanks for that question I guess it may be on many people minds...
Yes I'm on 20mg cipralex in those day, and yes that's as high as it goes.

your question is smart, you think about the future...that's a smart thing to do, I'll tell you what I'm doing:


you're very right - humans do develop a tolerance to any type of drug eventually.
however - humans can also develop "routines" - what do I mean by that? well first of all I would recommend reading some books about how our brain works.. its important for understanding what you need to do.


I suffered from social phobia, anxiety, panic attacks and depression...(sometimes all mixed together... :) ...)


what I'm doing right now(while i'm cipralex) is dealing with, I'm being social and putting myself in many situations i would normally avoid, and i do it again, and again and again...until eventually I start to like it and not think about it at all... so... I hope you're getting this, it important...if you "DEAL" with the situation or the thing that freaks you out again and again and again...eventually as you said:"humans develop a tolerance to any type of drug" and as you know the human brain is the biggest fastest drug lab on this planet...
freaking out or getting panic attacks in situation is happening because our brain produce certain drugs that does that... once you change that... you change your own way of thinking of things and you don't need to take cipralex....


what I'm saying is- if you take cipralex to deal with a problem... than use this time to attack your problem... if you're scared of the darkness...don't turn on the light while you have flashlight in your hand....I hope you got that metaphor...


good luck!

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Day 295: Cipralex and Antibiotics...and You

Hello friends,
I hope everything is good with you guys and again, thanks for sharing your thoughts and asking questions in the comments, seems like we can really help each other.


Couple of days ago my girlfriend had to take this medicine for some kind of infection of bacteria or something like that... anyways her doctor recommended told her that I should take it too.


So now, I need to take this antibiotics pills, well at least its just for one day, but its about 4 pills of 250 mg each...so I had to research about it before thinking about taking them.


The pill she was given called metronidazole, basically it’s an antibiotic medication.


So the question came... can I take antibiotics while on cipralex? Is it safe to keep taking cipralex while take 1000mg of antibiotics in one day? (Good and important question...)


Well after checking and checking...it seems like it is safe and its ok. I haven't found any information that suggest otherwise... the only thing that is important is not to drink alcohol... but that’s not a problem...

I've also read that some research shows that it actually enhances the cipralex effects... but nothing against taking them together...


So.. here we've learned something, I will update you of course how the combination effected me...but I do not expect anything dramatic.


Now I want to answer some of the questions and stuff you guys wrote in the comments, I think some of this information is really valuable for people who take cipralex or for people who wants to understand people that take it.


oh, and besides that side effects of cipralex are long forgotten and I’m happy and in control. My girlfriend moved in with me and things are getting serious in our relationship which is good too :)


and the comments:


"I'm on day 7 today & i haven't really noticed any changes..." - give it some time... it usually takes a month for you to actually feel something...


Todd - "you were my inspiration to have the courage to take this medication " - thank you so much for writing this :)


Jari - Hi, it’s awesome that you're from Finland :) its great to see that we're all over the place, lol, yes I too seroxat many years ago but haven't finished the treatment properly...


Missy - I understand your situation... if you ask me... don't tell him unless his perception and level of understanding people like us is high... otherwise no good will come from this... someone who never was in our situation will never really understand...




Lana - if you were given cipralex, you probably need it... so give it a try for at least couple of months, remember you can stop anytime... its effects are great... but it’s not such a powerful drug that you won’t control yourself or change... it will just ease your mind that’s all.. You’ll still be lana :)




Cindy - I couldn't agree more, wow 5 years... make sure you come off it slowwwwwwly as possible, good luck and I’m totally with you with the "personally I do not think they need to know but hey that is my call" :) take care and let us know how it went...

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Day 272: Changing Your Mind

I don’t know why but in a way today is a special day for me. What made it special is you guys that visit my blog, read, write and interact. I've read the latest comments from you guys, seems like we're all in this together, it made me feel even better, it made me go back in time and think about how much I've been through… and it’s a lot, its amazing, If you would told me that this is where I'll be today before I've started treating myself with cipralex I wouldn't believe you for sure.


Taking cipralex was a very hard decision to make. But what convinced me most was something that an old man once told me…no guys he wasn't Chinese…sorry :)


Anyways, he said, sometimes "…to solve a serious problem – you have to think outside of the box… " – sounds good but how do you get outside your own mind? How can you trick yourself? At the first time I actually agreed (with myself) to go for it and try this drug, this sentence was echoing in my head… this is exactly how you think outside the box, get out of your ordinary routine way of thinking about things and change it.


I know not all of you know what I'm talking about, I want you guys to watch this lecture,
It opened my mind to many things…
It by Joe Dispenza, the video titled: "Evolve Your Brain- The Science of Changing Your Mind"


I know you'll enjoy it and learn a lot.


In terms of side-effects...I truly have none...feeling good since I've switched to 20 mg... doc said to keep at it at least for the next three months...than we'll see what happens...

Talk to you soon guys, thanks for what you write!

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Day 265: Gotta be some good times ahead

Hello my friends,
been very busy lately, but all in all better...busy and better...maybe more better than busy... :)
I had one day in which i was very very angry, had no patience to anything or anybody, also had some arguments with lots of people that day...

but it seems like a distant memory now... no panic attacks, no depression, no pressure, dealing with everything ok, relationship with my girlfriend is great, everything seems to run smoothly... we do have our ups and downs, but its ok, the ups starting to be more than than the downs... we moved in together(something that would normally make me panic and think too much), also met her family, friends, etc... been present in many stressing situations, but it seems like everything went ok :)


I'm still on the pill...(no kidding...) its 265 days now... I'm meeting my doc tomorrow...see what he will say... I still avoid certain situations or try to.. but much less than before...no regrets about taking cipralex... meanwhile seems like it was the smartest thing to do.

I still haven't told my gf about this...maybe i never will, thank god I got you guys.

take care,
I will post more soon.

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A moment of seriousness

And now a moment of seriousness

How many pills must a men swallow down
before he can say he's OK,

and how many chills must a man feel inside
before he can say they are gone...

and how much weight must a man gain or lose
before the side effects are gone...

The answer my friend is blowing in the wind...

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Day 208, I know its No Secret...

Hello my friends, and thank you all for the feedback and comments and all the experiences you're sharing with me, keep doing that - I'm reading all of it and appreciate it.


As I've mentioned in early posts, I keep the fact that I'm taking cipralex to my self... Maybe that's one of the reasons I'm sharing this information with you guys,
In a way you're all my best friends :)

Taking cipralex for people that know what it really is - is no big deal, and this pill is so popular that sometimes I think half of the world is on it :) ,
however I don't know if I've mentioned it before but I'm an CEO of a small company and it will really make the people I'm "leading" feel weird if they knew I'm on cipralex.
and its hard to keep a secret... so I've just decided to keep that info for my self.


I know..I know...the best thing is just to be open about it and not give a @#$@ , but I can't do that, because most of the people that never tried it...
have a certain look on people that did...or do take it.
and they do look or think about you differently once they know that... so for the time being I think this information will stay only between us.


My girl and I are back together for couple of weeks now... but sometimes it feels as if we were always together...
she got some problems too... she gets sad sometimes or nervous... the funny thing is that I'm the one that always cheer her up and help her get back on her feet again...
which makes it even harder for me to reveal the "Secret" :), think about it for a sec, one minute I'm telling her how she should take things easy...
while I got the help of cipralex...my shrink...and you guys...

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Day 196: Breaking Up, Getting Back Together and 20 MG Cipralex

My dear friends, first of all I want to thank you all again for your comments and emails,
I read them all and they make me smile and get more energy to keep posting and telling you all how I am, I'm happy that we help each other and that you help other people in the comments - I notice that and I appreciate it.

Now for some updates, You must be wondering what I've been up to...
Well I had some rough times with my girl friend, and we broke up for like a week, its seems like we were together for years....and its just three months, I'm happy I haven't told her anything about cipralex, its not the right time, and its pointless to share it with someone you're not 100% sure she's gona stick around.

Anyways, the day we broke up I had a meeting with my shrink, I haven't planned that, but this is what happened, so I went to the meeting, he said I look sad...I told him its because I just broke up with my girlfriend and that i'm still feeling better than before...never the less he said he want us to increase the dosage to 20 MG...after a while...of talking...I said OK.

So now i'm 20 MG, there's a difference, and a few days after the meeting my x girlfriend
want to get back together...I'm a bit confused but i'm doing ok.

I haven't had any side effects for a while now and I'm aint scared of anything, No panic attacks and nothing like that...

will update more soon
take care
and thank for writing...

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Day 172: Don't get too excited now...

Hello my friends, I've been asked lately what really piss me off, because some people that know many more and some less said I keep a constant poker face all the time, and They don't see me angry or too upset or too happy...I wonder why? :-)

Maybe its just the way I always been or maybe its cipralex, honestly? I couldn't care less. Inside i'm happy and everything is 100% under control, I have no panic attacks, no anxiety and no depression from months now...so i'm feeling good.

I haven't told my girlfriend about cipralex yet, I'm meeting my doctor in couple of days and I'll ask him again when can i stop taking the pills, not that I mind - I have no side effects at all, its just that I hate the fact that i'm hiding this from everyone around me.

So many things have changed...and I like being numb...because my numb state is everyone's else normal state :-)

I've read some comments asking about caffeine and cipralex, I can tell you that I drink a lot of coffee(I love coffee) and I had no problems with it, but than again, in the first months you should lower your coffee consumption.

Ok, just wanted to update you guys about how I'm doing...

take care and we'll talk soon...

oh, and happy holidays!

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Day 166: Just so you'll know i'm still kicking

Once again its been a while since i've posted, but in a way thats a good thing, I spend most of my time with my girlfriend and friends, having fun living.

I'm very calm...maybe a bit too calm, at least that what my gf thinks, I haven't told her anything about it yet, and with a little luck I would never need to.

Everything is fine, no panic attacks lately maybe just a mild one couple of days ago...but nothing serious...

I will post more soon.
take care and happy holidays

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Day 147: everything is fine.

its been a while since the last update, been on vacation with my girlfriend, and dealt with many issues but over all everything seems to be ok, sure i have some days when i'm bit down and others that i'm a bit up, but life is manageable,

and the only times went i did felt bad was when i haven't took the pills on time.

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Day 124: Life Is Beautiful

Its day 124, I feel good, I feel I don't need the pills any more... but i'm still taking them at least for the next couple of months...than we will see.

I now have a girlfriend, I go out alot, I meet new people all the time and I truly enjoy life and not taking everything too seriously.

Panic attacks, anxiety and depression are long gone, some times I don't even remember I had them.

I think I will start working out today. Its been too long.

The bottom line is I feel good, I don't know what life have in store for me, but i'm ok with it :-).

I know my posts became shorter but you know how its like when you're in a relationship.

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Me, My Girlfriend and Cipralex

Hello again, Its been a while since I posted so I decided to post something, just so you'll know everything is alright and ticking the right direction with me.

I have a girlfriend now, but I haven't told her about cipralex yet...its too early for me to share that with her... so for the time being I will keep that information for my self, I feel so alive, and everything's great, we're going out a lot and I'm dealing with so many situations and things I thought were impossible three months ago... so its amazing how fast things can change.

I have no side effects at all, but it does take me a lot of time to get to an orgasm but I don't mind, its fun to take your time... :-)

Anyways, just wanted to update you that I'm already feeling that I don't need the pills any more, but my Doc advised me to stay on them for the time being...so I will.

I promise to post more soon.

Take care

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Love is in the air...

Hello again,
Hope all is well with you all, here's a quick update of what happened lately…
Well first of all I feel even better, I'm starting to rediscover myself and the world around me in a fun , entertaining way.
I'm dating this girl that I'm starting to really like…but too soon to make the call if it actually is, I'm having fun anyways.

The side effects are a far away memory and hardly notice I take cipralex in term of the side effects.
Still sometimes I have difficulties to wake up or to fall a sleep but its no big deal, probably because of the beers here and there.
I will keep you posted. Take care now.

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100 Days with Cipralex, Weight Gain, Libido & Updates

Hello everybody,
I know many of you are concerned about weight gain and libido drop...
I will try to share some light about that in this post, also i have a lot to

update you guys... so here we go...

First with what concerns you...weight gain and libido drop...

About weight gain, a mild weight gain can happen, however its nothing to worry about... because its nothing dramatic, you'll hardly notice it...

You must always remember that each person react a little bit different to cipralex, so you have to notice the changes and make the right adjustments for yourself, I can tell you that haven't gained too much weight...maybe one kg, thats all, but if you feel that you're getting too "big" go out and start running, working out, or just walking, its fun and easy with cipralex. as I mention before it varies from person to person, so notice what happens with your body and react to it in the right manner.
if you think its a big change consider:
1. talking with your doctor again(maybe you need to change the dosage or try something else.
2. start eating right, in the right hours.
3. eat healthy food.
4. start working out.

now about libido, I can tell you from my experience that my libido is in tact :) however there are waves when it gets really strong and than weaker... but its manageable and it really doesn't bother me, just gives me more control over things. but if you feel there's a problem there, there are couple of things to do about it.

1. just wait... it will usually return stronger....
2. consider what you can do or think about to increase your libido
3. maybe you're not inlove or not attracted enough? love makes wonders to the libido :) at least for me...
4. enjoy the fact that you're more "relaxed" and control things, use it to your own good, to make things better.
5. you can always consult your doctor about it.
6. you can eat certain fruits and food that helps the libido and its all natural and it does work :) i've tried it once...

hope it helps, but try to take it as it come...and keep learning. smiling and try to enjoy the fact that you're aware of things, and can control them.

ok, another post with the updates i have will come later...gotta run

take care all of you!

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96 Days with Cipralex...Feeling much better now...

Hi everybody, I know, I know...I haven't had a chance to post lately...been busy busy busy... but I feel way better now... seems like after I switched from 10 MG to 15 MG there wasn't much of a change at the beginning, but now I feel like there's a big difference...

In the last two weeks, I had another meeting with my doc, had few more dates, went out with friends, build cats condo and playground for my cat and I'm working on my psychology work... that I need to finish it three weeks...

I feel improvement in all aspects of life now, I almost forgot about the anxiety, and honestly I cant remember when was the last panic attack i had... (maybe I should just scroll back to the older posts... lol...)

I'm not depressed any more, and I enjoy life experience and whatever they throw on me...

The bottom line is that things are better, way better now... and I can finally explore myself and the world around me from a positive perspective.

I found a good solution for the alcohol thing, when I go out to pubs I just choose the beer with the lowest alcohol concentrations, that way I can drink freely and it doesn't effect me too much...

The only thing that bothers me is that sometimes its hard to fall a sleep...but hey, that's a small price to pay for what you get...

Well I have another date this week, I'm really into this love thing lately :-).

oh, and I'm singing in the morning sometimes...

OK my friends, thanks for taking the time to read this, take care and I will post another post soon.

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Day 83: Another one bites the dust...

Hello again my friends, thanks for caring and visiting my blog again :-) .

Yesterday I had another blind date... which went much better than the previous one, I think I'm getting better at this,

I was a little bit nervous before the date but when I got there I just said to my self lets do this and have fun , and than everything went smoothly and we had really nice time, if you're asking if she's the one...? well not really... but it was a good experience and we had good time and got some practice at dating and communicating with people you don't know which can sometimes be very ...alarming... if you know what i mean...
soon I have another blind date, I will update on it too, however its way easier to deal with this using cipralex, cause you can really deal with the conversation and the other person and not with your anxiety and panic attacks...

Cheers

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Day 81: Approaching girls in the pub...

Had couple of new experiences lately, but this post will focus on the more interesting one :-)
it will deal mostly with approach anxiety and social issues...here we go...


You see, couple of days ago I went out with friends to have a drink in a nice local pub, got dressed nice and lately I'm in the mood to get out of the house all the time, or maybe I'm in the mood to no stay in the house all the time...Anyways we decided to go out to get a drink, so my friend picked me up and we drove the place...

 there was nice dub music and nice atmosphere, the place wasn't too crowded...maybe it was still early...


Anyways, we were talking and drinking, I talked with the bar tender a bit and with my friends, than the place started to get crowded and this group of two hot girls and this guy came in and sat at the other end of the place...


Then I felt this feeling again, like I usually would, I just wanted to get up and start talking with one of those girls, drank another beer, than In seconds I went over there and started talking to the all group, and while I'm actually doing it, walking up to a group of complete strangers and talking to them i could hear my self saying in my head "dude, this is so easy! it so easy!" they were really nice, we had some chit chat and a smoke, i found out she's this guy girl friend and the other girl is his sister, so nothing romantic came out of this but, i was so amazed that i did that...ok ok...so i drank some beers before...never the less, I could never do that and never have done that before, because usually i would get panic attack just thinking about doing something like this, later in the same bar i went downstairs to the level below and started making eye contact with this other girl, i felt as if i could act on it and hit on her but something told me to end this night with the success i already had...


this was amazing...I think my friends looked at me with open jaws...that was so unlike me...but I hope this is just the begriming of the upgraded me released... the day after was a bit fuzzy because i drank so much, so i was very tired...


today I'm good, a bit bored but good...


I know what you're wondering...what about the blind date...well there's a storm going on lately, we're waiting for the weather to get better and than we will meet, hopefully in a day or two... but worry not, you'll be the first to know how it went...


note to self: learn to enjoy things, not just do em.


love you all and take care!

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No special dramas! communication skills released.

Been couple of days since my last post, I had a very busy week and a lot on my mind…

Here's a quick review of what happened these days and what I went through…

I had some work related meetings this week with some people I didn’t knew and some I haven't seen a long, long time, went very good I think…its amazing how easy it is to communicated when you're not so busy with dealing with the panic attacks, anxiety and depression, it was actually fun.

I was at a barbeque with friends, made everyone laugh. That's funny, usually I would just try survive the situation if would get myself to ever get out of the house and when I did find myself in those situation I would never talk or talk as less as possible, but this time I couldn't shut up, I was funny, interesting and seems like people really enjoyed my company. Its like I feel I can finally truly express myself , my real self around people and that's awesome.

Later the same week I called this new girl I'm suppose to date today, her name is Carrie and once again it's a blind date, now you're probably asking yourself why am I doing this to myself…lol so was I, but my plan is to attack my greatest fears, one by one, until I will comfortable around people. I had a conversation with her over the phone, it went smooth, I felt relaxed and made her laugh, seems like I'm improving all the time, she sounded a bit "old" or "too slow" on the phone but maybe its just me, never the less will try to meet her open minded and have fun, get some more experience and gain more confidence – this is mostly what I'm after mostly lately.

Later, still the same week… on the way saw this girl that couldn't open a door and I helped her, also at launch talked to the waitresses a bit went nice too, I think she want something from me? Maybe not… I'm still fighting myself to break a specific barrier that really annoys me when it comes to approaching strangers and initiating conversations with them. I really want to be able to do that.

After that day I woke up ok, but almost forgot to take the pill again... lately I'm forgetting that I take pills at all… which is good but bad cause I don’t want to forget or skip a day, anyways , I've made an emergency package of cipralex pills and placed it in my wallet for emergency situations.
had to come back home to take it... I place a My Appetite is getting better lately…and over all I had no special dramas this week, thinking a lot about getting a girlfriend, I have another blind date today, I wonder how it will go…

Thats it for now, I will update you how it went on my blind date...:-) wish me luck...and take care!

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Cipralex and Blind Dating

Yesterday I had a blind date with this cute girl, all I can is that it was a very good practice for me, and I could be at ease and just have fun and conversation most of the time, eventually it didn't work out but the fun part is, that I didn't care much :-) at least not too much, and now I have another date, the thing is that usually in the past I would worry and focus on myself too much , that will make look like a freak, and this time I was cool, I mean there were couple of seconds here and there of something that reminded the social anxiety but it lasted only few seconds and went away...


well don't know if that aspect of cipralex interest you much, if it does I can shade some more light about it, let me know...


take care!

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Forgetting about the pills

I've notice that two times I totally forgot that i'm taking cipralex... almost actually forgot to take the pills, but eventually i remember, but its a good sign, Its like all the side effects are totally gone...

just wanted to share that too :-)

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Day 63 - 73 with 15mg cipralex: Attacking on all fronts

Hello everybody, here's a quick review of what happend these days...

* I talked to a girl on a bar(complete stranger...i would could never do that before)

* I started singing to myself a lot lately, specially in the morning... and in the shower...thats funny...isn't it?

* bought lots of cool clothes (dealt with lots of people doing that...so it was fun to see i can handle that)

* I feel bored, or maybe I just need a relationship...at night it was really boring it was raining so i was stuck at home...again...

* thinking about getting a girlfriend again...

* singing on the morning, i set a meeting with this company that makes matches between people...(I need love, not some sentimental prison)

* went to the meeting i set, when i came to the front door i had a kind of starting of panic attack but it was for like a milisecond than i just went right in and had fun. that was amazing that I could handle that, normally the pressure,anxiety and panic would be overwhelming...I developed some nice techniques to get my self to deal with all the issues that bother me, more about that in future posts...had an interview at the meeting with this guy, i think I made really good impression on him...

* thinking about one of the girls i run into in the shops... i should talk to her...

* its very cold lately , but i'm feeling better ,i'm starting to notice a change in the way i interact with people and all the things i used to worry about seem so far now...sometimes i cant even remember them sometimes

* went to the cinema and to drink something and had some people it was fun.

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Things I've Tried Before Cipralex

Hi there, just so you'll know I haven't just jumped into this, and you shouldn't too, here's the stuffs I tried before cipralex (which tops them all, at least for me and my issues):

1. Hypnosis
2. NLP
3. Home remedies
4. Herbal and nutritional supplements
5. Saint John's worth
6. 5htp Supplements
7. Shrink
8. Psychotherapist
9. Self Help books, films, audios
10. seroxat
11. Valerian Drops
12. Chinese Acupuncture

some of them helped less some helped more, but when I compare cipralex with all of them, its much better and the changes are happening real fast.

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Boring...Boring...Boring

Lately I've noticed I get bored when I do nothing, staying at home is boring, watching tv is also boring... this is a major thing for me, usually time will just fly for me even if I don't do nothing , I never felt bored... but this is a very positive thing for me, I guess I haven't noticed I wasn't doing much because I was very very busy thinking about what I should do, or avoid... panic attacks, social anxiety and depression...well seems BORING to me now...that's something isn't it...

there's this old saying, you gotta look at your worst fear in the eyes and watch him look down... this is what i'm doing to all my fears...

I've made a genius plan to deal with all my fears one by one, I've discovered how to trick myself into it and i'm keep pushing my self forward...

I will tell you more about this in the coming up posts...

take care!

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Happy New Year

Well the last couple of days were something, I've been in lots of places and had just to interact with people here and there, which is still amazing for me because just getting out of the house, not to mention being around people i don't know was "an issue" for me, this time it was easy and kinda fun.

Its almost a week now since i've increased the dosage from 10 mg to 15 mg, and i'm starting to feel the difference, I notice slowly slowly how I become more relaxed in past stressing situations and get this "I dont care" or "bring it on" kind of feeling...I like that.

I've to couple of stragers ,was'nt much of a conversation but still its another step forward just to do it and see that i can do it and stay a live and without a panic attack, that's something.

Cipralex side effects are totally gone now... sometimes I forget I take it...

Some folks asked me about cipralex and sex issues, I promise to post some information about that too, I know it effects and important to many of you...

Another things worth mentioning is that I get kinda bored a lot lately, but I guess its a good thing cause it make wana do stuffs...just need to figure out what...

anyways, take care everybody and comment - its important and gives me an execuse to keep writing.

love you all

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