So, where were we?

It’s been a while now since I’m off the pills… to be accurate it been exactly five months…

It took most of my energy to stay focused and pass this transition time until today…

During this time there were ups and downs… even couple of times I thought I needed an anger management program J lol…

But as the time passes I seem everything is stabilizing and slowly I and my brain or body gets used to the new situation…

I want to apology for “disappearing” on you guys for a while but I also sure you understand how it’s like when you can’t even bring yourself to stay focus and post something…

I want to address some of your comments and feedbacks in this post…and once again thank you all for sticking around…

So, where were we?

Right,

I’m 5 months off the pills now.

As you already know I’m married…

And my wife is pregnant (week 12)…

And I’m buying a house… so I had to take mortgage and loans to make that happened.

You can imagine that buying a house, take loans, quitting the pills and having a baby all at the same time is…time consuming and also brain power consuming… J

So that’s what I’ve been up to…

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It’s been a Long Way Back Home

February in coming now… I’ve been off the pills since November 1st , that means I’m off it for about three months. Three months and counting… Haven't had a lot of time to write to you guys, sorry about that.

I think I finally reached a point where I dont need it any more... at least for the time being. Still got some pills packages left...i'm going to throw them away in couple of days... Apparently the best place to stop taking cipralex is thailand... lol... I've had some rough weeks, getting really angry and arguing with people for nothing reasonable by I kept it together... always reminding me that this will happend...at least until the full effect of the pill will go away... I know its short but I will write again, and I got all of your questions to answer. just wanted to quick update you. take care. all is good now.

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New to This Blog?

If you're new to this blog, check out what others are thinking about it: feel free to submit your feedback and ideas of how to make it even better.

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We're Not Alone...

Cipralex users around the world...

amazing isn't it... we can make our country soon lol. take care.

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Day 558: Honey...I'm late...

Hello my friends, you’re all probably wondering what I’ve been up to…

So here’s a quick update:

As you already know I’ve reduced the dosage to 10mg from 20mg and besides one event in which I was a bit stressed out everything else went smooth.

I’ve just came back from Italy, as you know I was a bit worried about take cipralex pills with me to the airport, I know it was silly – really it was, anyways I can now tell you that you can take any medication pills you need onboard without any problem(just keep it in its original package) the trip was awesome, I interacted with a lot of new people I didn’t knew and felt good and powerful enough to deal with any surprising situations that popped up, and there were some( we got stuck with the car on a mountain and the car almost flipped over…lol everything is ok, and the cool thing was that I was so cool about it….)

I drank a lot of wine in Italy – what can you do besides that? lol , and I had no problems or side effects with cipralex – maybe it’s because it was a very good wine…

Besides that I’m into writing children books now… I don’t know why… haven’t done anything about it yet…but it’s very interesting market…

Almost forgot my fiancé told me she’s late…if you know what I mean… we need to do some tests I guess but it seems like we’re going to have a baby…

Me – a daddy? You got to be kidding me…life’s amazing sometimes….this is probably one of scariest things ever…but I’m cool with that…

I’ll update you more on that as soon as I’ll know more… btw the doc said cipralex have no effects on the pregnancy or the baby…

i'm going to answer all your comments and questions in the next post.

take care now
love you all

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Dear Sarah – I’m here for you

Dear Sarah,

I’m sorry for the late response, but better late than never right?  I want you to know that I read all your comments even If I don’t always reply right away, so rest assure I’m not going anywhere I’m always here for you.

I know your comments, questions and the things you share here are helping me and many others, so keep on doing that.

From what you wrote I understood that you are already took the step to make you life better, which if you ask me is the biggest most important step, to bring yourself to a point that you actually do something about it – and you’ve already done that, and that’s impressive and brave, remember that.

I understood that you’re already three months with 10 MG cipralex, lots of good changes are coming your way…I actually miss that feeling that things are about to change…you’ll probably feel that soon enough.

I’m happy to read you already feeling improvements in some aspects of your phobias and focus problems, give it some more time…it will get better…I think only after six months you actually feel the full effect of it and it’s enough time to prepare yourself to manage without it too.

I’m going to address your question about the heart in a separate full post but I am going to say that: from what I’ve understood and I’m no doctor, but cipralex can effect different people in different ways, so to answer your question, it’s very individual, and if there are cases of heart problems in your family your doctor is doing the right thing and taking it slowly with you, i wouldn’t worry about that too much, first of all there are many people that are happy with 10 mg and secondly there are many other pills you can take instead that work in different ways that got nothing to do with your heart… by the way you have a good sweet heart, I can tell.

So what I suggest is that you don’t think about that now at all… it’s a waste of time, you might not need to increase to 20 mg anyways, look at me, and I’m decreasing to 10 mg now, so we are taking the same amount. I’m really very sorry about your parent…  but what’s in the past is in the past. – remember that too.

Sarah I also want to thank you – for reminding me exactly what I needed to remember.

And I will post more often… J

Take care and keep writing to us too – I read it all…

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Day 495, Minus 10 MG, Getting Married and Flying to Italy

Dear Friends,

I hope all is well with you or at least keeps on getting better, I know it’s been a while since my last post, so I’m going to address many issues in this one.

Its day 495 with cipralex, I’ve recently decreased the amount from 20 MG to 10 MG, I’m going to try this for a week or so and see how it effects me before I’ll make more decision about that.

So far the only different I felt is related to my sex drive which jumped up the minute I’ve decreased the dosage.

So, what I’ve been up to?

Trip to Italy:

I’ll soon be traveling to Italy for couple of weeks, the one thing that bothers me about that is that I need to take the cipralex pills with me, the trip is with a lot friends, but none of them know about me taking cipralex, and I prefer none of them will.

So I’m a bit concerned about taking the pills onboard the airplane, what if they will be examined? Or what if they will start asking me questions about it? I’m probably worrying too much about that, but if you got some insight about that I’ll be happy to hear it. I know that there are probably millions of medications people are taking abroad from country to country with them, maybe I’m just exaggerating with this… but I’ll try to get some information about that and I’ll update you on that too. Besides that it’s also important to notice that I don’t feel nervous or worried at all, I had no panic attack or anxiety attacks for many days…any ways nothing that is related to this planned trip, it’s something too, because usually when there’s something social planned ahead I would think and worry about it too much, seems like I don’t worry about things until they actually happen and then it’s too late to worry anyways.

Don’t know if I mentioned this to you guys but I’m getting married soon, the wedding is set on july, me getting married, can you comprehend that? I couldn’t even get out of the house to the supermarket , I couldn’t even talk to strangers, even a dinner I was invited by friends or family used to be a nightmare filled with anxiety and fear… and now I’m getting married… how the heck did that happen? I bet it got something to do with cipralex….

A wedding event is stressful enough as it is… but to be depressed, with anxiety and panic attack and get married is almost impossible.

But now I’m getting married, I’m amazed at myself that I managed to get to that point in my life, and to be honest I don’t think I’d get there without the help of cipralex.

I honestly don’t worry about the actual event; my new way of looking at it is that it’s my party anyways so why should I worry? I should just have fun. I know you know what I’m talking about, getting married, with all this buying clothes, and rings, and renting a place for the event, and designer and dj’s and food and drinks and talking to so many suppliers and….you know what I mean, there’s no way I could deal with all that 495 days ago… just no way at all. I rather be dead than to deal with all of that…. Not to mention the actual ceremony.

Lately my rented apartment is always filled with friends and friends of friends, most of them I know through my soon to be wife girlfriend… I love it and It doesn’t move me at all that people I don’t know jump to visit.

I have much more to tell you friends, but not much time right now, but I do want to answer your questions and comments, I’ll do that on a separate post.

Thank you all and have wonderful life.

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Day 419: Some comments Some Answers

Hello again my friends, and a worm welcome to the newcomers.

It’s now day number 419… wow… that’s a lot of days... and a lot of changes too...

So what going on… really? everything is good ,i cant remember the last time i had a real panic attack or depression...no side effects or anything like that ...that's nice...real nice.

"unfound said...Im afraid of taking the drug I was prescribed it, I have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and am dreadfully afraid this drug I will need till my dying death. There are ups and downs in getting into what I call my states, my episodes, creativity ensues but in those moments I feel like the world could end and it would be perfect... What were your major side effects, did the drug make you more alert? I am also in the process of being assessed by a specialist for Adult ADHD, It is highly likely that I do have it!"

Hey, i just want you to know that what you wrote about how perfect it will be if the world could just end is something that we ALL say to ourselves from time to time... i know i sure did and meant it.

i can assure you that all of us here (fellow readers)  said that at least once and really meant it.

let me say this... if i could take time back... i would and take the pill in a much earlier stage in my life, that would save me a lot of hassle for sure... about the side effects - just read the previous posts from day 1 and you'll be able to read exactly how it was for me... in a larger perspective the side effects are no match for the upside you get from this change in your life.

"Great blog! I've been on the 10mg since October 12. I suffer from anxiety when I try to go to sleep. I lay there thinking and waiting for the noises and think about tons of other things.I now cannot attend a party I wanted to go to. Does it take longer than 6 weeks? I'm all for trying this if it eventually works, but I'm starting to get a little edgy now."

first of all thank you, now about the 6 weeks - you need to keep at it and wait, it can take couple of weeks longer - but it worth it. don't screw it up and stop in the middle. congratulations on your new job and try to take things in perspective, there are many tips I've posted before you can read and help yourself... be patience... now about that party... how come you can't go? you can and should...look at it as a good experiment to check out if cipralex did something or not. and try to have some fun!

Melissa P - just wanted to thank you for your comments and for helping people and sharing your experiences to help us all :-)

I've noticed many of you talked about the sleeping and dreams issues... i will address that on a separate post.

thank you and in case I don't see ya, good afternoon , good evening, and good night!  

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Day 390: Forget and Rewind

What make us forget? Forget about how it used to be and just live the moment like that’s how it’s always been… I wonder a lot about that lately…

I’ve notice that lately I forgot that I’m on cipralex, I forgot that I used to experience panic attack, depression, flushes and stress…daily stress… on every silly little thing that happens…sometimes even on events that never took place…I guess it was the old “what if…” days…

You probably wonder why I am bringing this up, the reason for that is that in recent days I noticed I just forget that I’m cipralex and I act as if I’ve always been like I am now…

That’s good… but sometimes I also forget to take the pill on time…missed a day or two lately…

But it’s interesting … maybe it’s a sign I soon won’t need those pills…

Meanwhile I’m sticking to my plan and to the doc instructions…

I’m happy and stable…

It’s now been 390 days I’m the pill… and I’m not regretting it at all!

Probably was one of the smartest decisions I took in my life.

Take care now, I’m reading your comments always and it’s great to see you guys help each other.

I will post more soon.

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Day 340... Have things really changed?

Friends,

Hope you’re all still in the game and getting better with each day.

It’s been a while since I last wrote something, been little busy lately…

It’s now day 340, soon I’ll be a year on cipralex…it’s time to stop for a second and appreciate what happened this year, how things changed, how my way of thinking and looking at things change – and it did…sure did.

Wow, I’m amazed at how easy it is to get use to things, to get use to feeling normal…to get use to not get use to think too much about things, and just flow.

A year ago…maybe a little bit less, I was so depressed, lonely and living on the edge, in this daily fear on everything I guess… I use to get panic attacks every single day…sometimes even couple times a day.

I wouldn’t go out, I would do everything in my power to avoid any social events and meeting new people was a nightmare…sometimes even walking down the street was a damn project…it’s amazing…just amazing…I can hardly remember how it felt like…which is good, very good. I now walk the streets, meet and interact with new people, I feel safe…I feel I can trust myself.

I have a beautiful girlfriend, good friends; I love my family and most important of all… I guess I made peace with myself… the improvement and changes I’ve going through all this time on cipralex are overwhelming sometimes…

I use to complicate things too much, think too much and I used to feel like I’m not in control…

I always knew, even back then…that I was stuck inside a bubble…or maybe a cell, a prison cell which I build for years…guess how that makes you feel…knowing you put yourself there, knowing your inside a bubble…but just can’t get out of it…

I guess it’s important for me to stop for a second…stop and appreciate myself for doing this for myself… I guess this is one of the most important things I’ve done for me ever…

I do not regret my decision to take cipralex…it was a hard call to make but I made it…and for that I’m grateful too… things are working out, soon I’m meeting my psychiatrist again, see what he have to say…he will probably suggest to continue three more months… but it doesn’t matter, taking cipralex is a very small price to pay for the benefits of rebuilding your life…rebuilding yourself.

Btw I can now say that all the side effects are totally 100% gone, so the only hassle is to take the pill once a day…

I still haven’t told anyone about me taking this pill…and I’m not going to…at least not in the near future…

I know some of you disagree and say its as if I’m judging my friends or gf, but I’m not…I just think that I’m not ready for that yet…maybe society isn’t ready too…

It’s funny; yesterday I met my friend new girlfriend…sounds silly right? Today it is….no big deal….i haven’t really thought about it much…just didn’t care…:) a year ago I would think about it so much I get panic attack all day…just because I’m meeting someone I don’t know…

Things change – remember that folks, sometimes they change so fast, you don’t even notice.

Take care now

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Day 316: more questions...more answers :)

Some quesiton you guys asked in the comments: Hi doll khan, when to stop...? thats a good question... I guess the answet is when you feel that you can... wait couple of months more and gradually you can stop... but ask your doc. thats why you pay him anyway :-)

rose khan - "awsome blog just tell me some times i feeel numbness and lightness in my head does the same happens to u??" yes it does but I hardly notice it anymore..with time it will go away totally...


Hi Melissa P, Its great to hear you're doing something about it, thats a big thing, good luck and update us on how it goes...I'm sure you're already started to feel the change in your life... Hi Susan, I realy think you should consult your doctor, I think 40mg is a big dose of cipralex... maybe too big... if cipralex doesn't work for you, you should over-dose it just switch to another pill that will work. do not take so many pills without consulting your doc... did he recommended that? Stay tuned... soon a new post will come :)

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You Asked...I Answer

this is a comment I got lately with good value in it...so I decided to post it:

Great blog... im gunna link it in one of the forums I visit often. Cipralex has also changed my life in so many ways, it's really allowed me to get back to being ME. This question is directed to the writer of this blog: I understand that you are on 20 mg right now, which is the highest dose. What do you plan on doing once that dose starts to wear off or gradually becomes ineffective? (humans develop a tolerance to any type of drug eventually). Since you are kind of "maxed out" right now, do you see yourself switching over to paxil in the future? Have you given this any thought?

Hi there, and thanks for that question I guess it may be on many people minds...
Yes I'm on 20mg cipralex in those day, and yes that's as high as it goes.

your question is smart, you think about the future...that's a smart thing to do, I'll tell you what I'm doing:


you're very right - humans do develop a tolerance to any type of drug eventually.
however - humans can also develop "routines" - what do I mean by that? well first of all I would recommend reading some books about how our brain works.. its important for understanding what you need to do.


I suffered from social phobia, anxiety, panic attacks and depression...(sometimes all mixed together... :) ...)


what I'm doing right now(while i'm cipralex) is dealing with, I'm being social and putting myself in many situations i would normally avoid, and i do it again, and again and again...until eventually I start to like it and not think about it at all... so... I hope you're getting this, it important...if you "DEAL" with the situation or the thing that freaks you out again and again and again...eventually as you said:"humans develop a tolerance to any type of drug" and as you know the human brain is the biggest fastest drug lab on this planet...
freaking out or getting panic attacks in situation is happening because our brain produce certain drugs that does that... once you change that... you change your own way of thinking of things and you don't need to take cipralex....


what I'm saying is- if you take cipralex to deal with a problem... than use this time to attack your problem... if you're scared of the darkness...don't turn on the light while you have flashlight in your hand....I hope you got that metaphor...


good luck!

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Day 295: Cipralex and Antibiotics...and You

Hello friends,
I hope everything is good with you guys and again, thanks for sharing your thoughts and asking questions in the comments, seems like we can really help each other.


Couple of days ago my girlfriend had to take this medicine for some kind of infection of bacteria or something like that... anyways her doctor recommended told her that I should take it too.


So now, I need to take this antibiotics pills, well at least its just for one day, but its about 4 pills of 250 mg each...so I had to research about it before thinking about taking them.


The pill she was given called metronidazole, basically it’s an antibiotic medication.


So the question came... can I take antibiotics while on cipralex? Is it safe to keep taking cipralex while take 1000mg of antibiotics in one day? (Good and important question...)


Well after checking and checking...it seems like it is safe and its ok. I haven't found any information that suggest otherwise... the only thing that is important is not to drink alcohol... but that’s not a problem...

I've also read that some research shows that it actually enhances the cipralex effects... but nothing against taking them together...


So.. here we've learned something, I will update you of course how the combination effected me...but I do not expect anything dramatic.


Now I want to answer some of the questions and stuff you guys wrote in the comments, I think some of this information is really valuable for people who take cipralex or for people who wants to understand people that take it.


oh, and besides that side effects of cipralex are long forgotten and I’m happy and in control. My girlfriend moved in with me and things are getting serious in our relationship which is good too :)


and the comments:


"I'm on day 7 today & i haven't really noticed any changes..." - give it some time... it usually takes a month for you to actually feel something...


Todd - "you were my inspiration to have the courage to take this medication " - thank you so much for writing this :)


Jari - Hi, it’s awesome that you're from Finland :) its great to see that we're all over the place, lol, yes I too seroxat many years ago but haven't finished the treatment properly...


Missy - I understand your situation... if you ask me... don't tell him unless his perception and level of understanding people like us is high... otherwise no good will come from this... someone who never was in our situation will never really understand...




Lana - if you were given cipralex, you probably need it... so give it a try for at least couple of months, remember you can stop anytime... its effects are great... but it’s not such a powerful drug that you won’t control yourself or change... it will just ease your mind that’s all.. You’ll still be lana :)




Cindy - I couldn't agree more, wow 5 years... make sure you come off it slowwwwwwly as possible, good luck and I’m totally with you with the "personally I do not think they need to know but hey that is my call" :) take care and let us know how it went...

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Day 272: Changing Your Mind

I don’t know why but in a way today is a special day for me. What made it special is you guys that visit my blog, read, write and interact. I've read the latest comments from you guys, seems like we're all in this together, it made me feel even better, it made me go back in time and think about how much I've been through… and it’s a lot, its amazing, If you would told me that this is where I'll be today before I've started treating myself with cipralex I wouldn't believe you for sure.


Taking cipralex was a very hard decision to make. But what convinced me most was something that an old man once told me…no guys he wasn't Chinese…sorry :)


Anyways, he said, sometimes "…to solve a serious problem – you have to think outside of the box… " – sounds good but how do you get outside your own mind? How can you trick yourself? At the first time I actually agreed (with myself) to go for it and try this drug, this sentence was echoing in my head… this is exactly how you think outside the box, get out of your ordinary routine way of thinking about things and change it.


I know not all of you know what I'm talking about, I want you guys to watch this lecture,
It opened my mind to many things…
It by Joe Dispenza, the video titled: "Evolve Your Brain- The Science of Changing Your Mind"


I know you'll enjoy it and learn a lot.


In terms of side-effects...I truly have none...feeling good since I've switched to 20 mg... doc said to keep at it at least for the next three months...than we'll see what happens...

Talk to you soon guys, thanks for what you write!

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Day 265: Gotta be some good times ahead

Hello my friends,
been very busy lately, but all in all better...busy and better...maybe more better than busy... :)
I had one day in which i was very very angry, had no patience to anything or anybody, also had some arguments with lots of people that day...

but it seems like a distant memory now... no panic attacks, no depression, no pressure, dealing with everything ok, relationship with my girlfriend is great, everything seems to run smoothly... we do have our ups and downs, but its ok, the ups starting to be more than than the downs... we moved in together(something that would normally make me panic and think too much), also met her family, friends, etc... been present in many stressing situations, but it seems like everything went ok :)


I'm still on the pill...(no kidding...) its 265 days now... I'm meeting my doc tomorrow...see what he will say... I still avoid certain situations or try to.. but much less than before...no regrets about taking cipralex... meanwhile seems like it was the smartest thing to do.

I still haven't told my gf about this...maybe i never will, thank god I got you guys.

take care,
I will post more soon.

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Day 208, I know its No Secret...

Hello my friends, and thank you all for the feedback and comments and all the experiences you're sharing with me, keep doing that - I'm reading all of it and appreciate it.


As I've mentioned in early posts, I keep the fact that I'm taking cipralex to my self... Maybe that's one of the reasons I'm sharing this information with you guys,
In a way you're all my best friends :)

Taking cipralex for people that know what it really is - is no big deal, and this pill is so popular that sometimes I think half of the world is on it :) ,
however I don't know if I've mentioned it before but I'm an CEO of a small company and it will really make the people I'm "leading" feel weird if they knew I'm on cipralex.
and its hard to keep a secret... so I've just decided to keep that info for my self.


I know..I know...the best thing is just to be open about it and not give a @#$@ , but I can't do that, because most of the people that never tried it...
have a certain look on people that did...or do take it.
and they do look or think about you differently once they know that... so for the time being I think this information will stay only between us.


My girl and I are back together for couple of weeks now... but sometimes it feels as if we were always together...
she got some problems too... she gets sad sometimes or nervous... the funny thing is that I'm the one that always cheer her up and help her get back on her feet again...
which makes it even harder for me to reveal the "Secret" :), think about it for a sec, one minute I'm telling her how she should take things easy...
while I got the help of cipralex...my shrink...and you guys...

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Day 196: Breaking Up, Getting Back Together and 20 MG Cipralex

My dear friends, first of all I want to thank you all again for your comments and emails,
I read them all and they make me smile and get more energy to keep posting and telling you all how I am, I'm happy that we help each other and that you help other people in the comments - I notice that and I appreciate it.

Now for some updates, You must be wondering what I've been up to...
Well I had some rough times with my girl friend, and we broke up for like a week, its seems like we were together for years....and its just three months, I'm happy I haven't told her anything about cipralex, its not the right time, and its pointless to share it with someone you're not 100% sure she's gona stick around.

Anyways, the day we broke up I had a meeting with my shrink, I haven't planned that, but this is what happened, so I went to the meeting, he said I look sad...I told him its because I just broke up with my girlfriend and that i'm still feeling better than before...never the less he said he want us to increase the dosage to 20 MG...after a while...of talking...I said OK.

So now i'm 20 MG, there's a difference, and a few days after the meeting my x girlfriend
want to get back together...I'm a bit confused but i'm doing ok.

I haven't had any side effects for a while now and I'm aint scared of anything, No panic attacks and nothing like that...

will update more soon
take care
and thank for writing...

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Day 172: Don't get too excited now...

Hello my friends, I've been asked lately what really piss me off, because some people that know many more and some less said I keep a constant poker face all the time, and They don't see me angry or too upset or too happy...I wonder why? :-)

Maybe its just the way I always been or maybe its cipralex, honestly? I couldn't care less. Inside i'm happy and everything is 100% under control, I have no panic attacks, no anxiety and no depression from months now...so i'm feeling good.

I haven't told my girlfriend about cipralex yet, I'm meeting my doctor in couple of days and I'll ask him again when can i stop taking the pills, not that I mind - I have no side effects at all, its just that I hate the fact that i'm hiding this from everyone around me.

So many things have changed...and I like being numb...because my numb state is everyone's else normal state :-)

I've read some comments asking about caffeine and cipralex, I can tell you that I drink a lot of coffee(I love coffee) and I had no problems with it, but than again, in the first months you should lower your coffee consumption.

Ok, just wanted to update you guys about how I'm doing...

take care and we'll talk soon...

oh, and happy holidays!

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Day 147: everything is fine.

its been a while since the last update, been on vacation with my girlfriend, and dealt with many issues but over all everything seems to be ok, sure i have some days when i'm bit down and others that i'm a bit up, but life is manageable,

and the only times went i did felt bad was when i haven't took the pills on time.

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Day 124: Life Is Beautiful

Its day 124, I feel good, I feel I don't need the pills any more... but i'm still taking them at least for the next couple of months...than we will see.

I now have a girlfriend, I go out alot, I meet new people all the time and I truly enjoy life and not taking everything too seriously.

Panic attacks, anxiety and depression are long gone, some times I don't even remember I had them.

I think I will start working out today. Its been too long.

The bottom line is I feel good, I don't know what life have in store for me, but i'm ok with it :-).

I know my posts became shorter but you know how its like when you're in a relationship.

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