You Asked...I Answer

this is a comment I got lately with good value in it...so I decided to post it:

Great blog... im gunna link it in one of the forums I visit often. Cipralex has also changed my life in so many ways, it's really allowed me to get back to being ME. This question is directed to the writer of this blog: I understand that you are on 20 mg right now, which is the highest dose. What do you plan on doing once that dose starts to wear off or gradually becomes ineffective? (humans develop a tolerance to any type of drug eventually). Since you are kind of "maxed out" right now, do you see yourself switching over to paxil in the future? Have you given this any thought?

Hi there, and thanks for that question I guess it may be on many people minds...
Yes I'm on 20mg cipralex in those day, and yes that's as high as it goes.

your question is smart, you think about the future...that's a smart thing to do, I'll tell you what I'm doing:


you're very right - humans do develop a tolerance to any type of drug eventually.
however - humans can also develop "routines" - what do I mean by that? well first of all I would recommend reading some books about how our brain works.. its important for understanding what you need to do.


I suffered from social phobia, anxiety, panic attacks and depression...(sometimes all mixed together... :) ...)


what I'm doing right now(while i'm cipralex) is dealing with, I'm being social and putting myself in many situations i would normally avoid, and i do it again, and again and again...until eventually I start to like it and not think about it at all... so... I hope you're getting this, it important...if you "DEAL" with the situation or the thing that freaks you out again and again and again...eventually as you said:"humans develop a tolerance to any type of drug" and as you know the human brain is the biggest fastest drug lab on this planet...
freaking out or getting panic attacks in situation is happening because our brain produce certain drugs that does that... once you change that... you change your own way of thinking of things and you don't need to take cipralex....


what I'm saying is- if you take cipralex to deal with a problem... than use this time to attack your problem... if you're scared of the darkness...don't turn on the light while you have flashlight in your hand....I hope you got that metaphor...


good luck!

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Day 81: Approaching girls in the pub...

Had couple of new experiences lately, but this post will focus on the more interesting one :-)
it will deal mostly with approach anxiety and social issues...here we go...


You see, couple of days ago I went out with friends to have a drink in a nice local pub, got dressed nice and lately I'm in the mood to get out of the house all the time, or maybe I'm in the mood to no stay in the house all the time...Anyways we decided to go out to get a drink, so my friend picked me up and we drove the place...

 there was nice dub music and nice atmosphere, the place wasn't too crowded...maybe it was still early...


Anyways, we were talking and drinking, I talked with the bar tender a bit and with my friends, than the place started to get crowded and this group of two hot girls and this guy came in and sat at the other end of the place...


Then I felt this feeling again, like I usually would, I just wanted to get up and start talking with one of those girls, drank another beer, than In seconds I went over there and started talking to the all group, and while I'm actually doing it, walking up to a group of complete strangers and talking to them i could hear my self saying in my head "dude, this is so easy! it so easy!" they were really nice, we had some chit chat and a smoke, i found out she's this guy girl friend and the other girl is his sister, so nothing romantic came out of this but, i was so amazed that i did that...ok ok...so i drank some beers before...never the less, I could never do that and never have done that before, because usually i would get panic attack just thinking about doing something like this, later in the same bar i went downstairs to the level below and started making eye contact with this other girl, i felt as if i could act on it and hit on her but something told me to end this night with the success i already had...


this was amazing...I think my friends looked at me with open jaws...that was so unlike me...but I hope this is just the begriming of the upgraded me released... the day after was a bit fuzzy because i drank so much, so i was very tired...


today I'm good, a bit bored but good...


I know what you're wondering...what about the blind date...well there's a storm going on lately, we're waiting for the weather to get better and than we will meet, hopefully in a day or two... but worry not, you'll be the first to know how it went...


note to self: learn to enjoy things, not just do em.


love you all and take care!

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No special dramas! communication skills released.

Been couple of days since my last post, I had a very busy week and a lot on my mind…

Here's a quick review of what happened these days and what I went through…

I had some work related meetings this week with some people I didn’t knew and some I haven't seen a long, long time, went very good I think…its amazing how easy it is to communicated when you're not so busy with dealing with the panic attacks, anxiety and depression, it was actually fun.

I was at a barbeque with friends, made everyone laugh. That's funny, usually I would just try survive the situation if would get myself to ever get out of the house and when I did find myself in those situation I would never talk or talk as less as possible, but this time I couldn't shut up, I was funny, interesting and seems like people really enjoyed my company. Its like I feel I can finally truly express myself , my real self around people and that's awesome.

Later the same week I called this new girl I'm suppose to date today, her name is Carrie and once again it's a blind date, now you're probably asking yourself why am I doing this to myself…lol so was I, but my plan is to attack my greatest fears, one by one, until I will comfortable around people. I had a conversation with her over the phone, it went smooth, I felt relaxed and made her laugh, seems like I'm improving all the time, she sounded a bit "old" or "too slow" on the phone but maybe its just me, never the less will try to meet her open minded and have fun, get some more experience and gain more confidence – this is mostly what I'm after mostly lately.

Later, still the same week… on the way saw this girl that couldn't open a door and I helped her, also at launch talked to the waitresses a bit went nice too, I think she want something from me? Maybe not… I'm still fighting myself to break a specific barrier that really annoys me when it comes to approaching strangers and initiating conversations with them. I really want to be able to do that.

After that day I woke up ok, but almost forgot to take the pill again... lately I'm forgetting that I take pills at all… which is good but bad cause I don’t want to forget or skip a day, anyways , I've made an emergency package of cipralex pills and placed it in my wallet for emergency situations.
had to come back home to take it... I place a My Appetite is getting better lately…and over all I had no special dramas this week, thinking a lot about getting a girlfriend, I have another blind date today, I wonder how it will go…

Thats it for now, I will update you how it went on my blind date...:-) wish me luck...and take care!

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Cipralex and Blind Dating

Yesterday I had a blind date with this cute girl, all I can is that it was a very good practice for me, and I could be at ease and just have fun and conversation most of the time, eventually it didn't work out but the fun part is, that I didn't care much :-) at least not too much, and now I have another date, the thing is that usually in the past I would worry and focus on myself too much , that will make look like a freak, and this time I was cool, I mean there were couple of seconds here and there of something that reminded the social anxiety but it lasted only few seconds and went away...


well don't know if that aspect of cipralex interest you much, if it does I can shade some more light about it, let me know...


take care!

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Day 63 - 73 with 15mg cipralex: Attacking on all fronts

Hello everybody, here's a quick review of what happend these days...

* I talked to a girl on a bar(complete stranger...i would could never do that before)

* I started singing to myself a lot lately, specially in the morning... and in the shower...thats funny...isn't it?

* bought lots of cool clothes (dealt with lots of people doing that...so it was fun to see i can handle that)

* I feel bored, or maybe I just need a relationship...at night it was really boring it was raining so i was stuck at home...again...

* thinking about getting a girlfriend again...

* singing on the morning, i set a meeting with this company that makes matches between people...(I need love, not some sentimental prison)

* went to the meeting i set, when i came to the front door i had a kind of starting of panic attack but it was for like a milisecond than i just went right in and had fun. that was amazing that I could handle that, normally the pressure,anxiety and panic would be overwhelming...I developed some nice techniques to get my self to deal with all the issues that bother me, more about that in future posts...had an interview at the meeting with this guy, i think I made really good impression on him...

* thinking about one of the girls i run into in the shops... i should talk to her...

* its very cold lately , but i'm feeling better ,i'm starting to notice a change in the way i interact with people and all the things i used to worry about seem so far now...sometimes i cant even remember them sometimes

* went to the cinema and to drink something and had some people it was fun.

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Boring...Boring...Boring

Lately I've noticed I get bored when I do nothing, staying at home is boring, watching tv is also boring... this is a major thing for me, usually time will just fly for me even if I don't do nothing , I never felt bored... but this is a very positive thing for me, I guess I haven't noticed I wasn't doing much because I was very very busy thinking about what I should do, or avoid... panic attacks, social anxiety and depression...well seems BORING to me now...that's something isn't it...

there's this old saying, you gotta look at your worst fear in the eyes and watch him look down... this is what i'm doing to all my fears...

I've made a genius plan to deal with all my fears one by one, I've discovered how to trick myself into it and i'm keep pushing my self forward...

I will tell you more about this in the coming up posts...

take care!

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Happy New Year

Well the last couple of days were something, I've been in lots of places and had just to interact with people here and there, which is still amazing for me because just getting out of the house, not to mention being around people i don't know was "an issue" for me, this time it was easy and kinda fun.

Its almost a week now since i've increased the dosage from 10 mg to 15 mg, and i'm starting to feel the difference, I notice slowly slowly how I become more relaxed in past stressing situations and get this "I dont care" or "bring it on" kind of feeling...I like that.

I've to couple of stragers ,was'nt much of a conversation but still its another step forward just to do it and see that i can do it and stay a live and without a panic attack, that's something.

Cipralex side effects are totally gone now... sometimes I forget I take it...

Some folks asked me about cipralex and sex issues, I promise to post some information about that too, I know it effects and important to many of you...

Another things worth mentioning is that I get kinda bored a lot lately, but I guess its a good thing cause it make wana do stuffs...just need to figure out what...

anyways, take care everybody and comment - its important and gives me an execuse to keep writing.

love you all

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Mind your steps!

As i've mentioned in earlier posts its crucial to notice the small changes and to put them in the spot lights, and lately there were many.

Including: when i walked the street some guys came up to me and wanted to take a photo of me for some project their doing for school, so i agreed , than in a store i had a problem paying with credit card so i had to talk to the bank on the phone, took a lot of time and patience and apparently I kept my coolness or so it seemed to the three girls that were there,

complimented me about that, and later on i felt one of them was kinda hot and maybe i should hit on her or at least try to start a conversation... I will do that tommorow I wonder what will happen... also went out to this show, with some friends, was ok, but in the enterance I kinda flirted a bit with the girl that sold the tickets... it was fun and short...

show was ok too, than we went to drink something and met another girlfriend of one of the girls, she was very shy... i think i managed the situation well, drank two beers was ok.

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Day 54: Cipralex, Wine and Fancy Dinner

Just came back from a fancy restaurant, drank some wine and ate some fancy food with my family, considering all the circumstances its amazing I haven't gave this too much thought like I would do in the (not so far) past,

usually I would think about it before and get into a panic attack worrying about how I would handle it, this time, I just didn't thought about it much, was more focused on the present, I communicated nicely with everyone and with the waitresses and made her laugh too,
it was nice, also started investing more in the way I dress.

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Day 53: 100% of the focus is on the outside

what a day was today, I went out shopping with a friend, was awesome, found some great clothes, shoes etc', haven't finished with all the things I need yet, but its a huge step forward, some idiot mumbled a remark about my weight but i didn't care too much because I considered him to be an idiot, and there's no reason why should listen to idiots, so it bothered me for like couple of minutes maybe less,

than I forgot about it and went on having fun. got me new sunglasses too, usually I wouldn't dare stepping into those stores but it was awesome, in some stage I just didn't care any more...my mind was on different things totally, amazing, when I think about it now I 100% focused on the outside.

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The first time I felt agoraphobia social anxiety and panic attacks

First time I noticed something is really wrong was went I stepped into a grocery store and all of a sudden felt like I just had to get out of there, The stress levels went up, I started sweating, had problem breathing normally and my heart pounded like mad, I could not communicate with anyone, just the present of other people around me made my body react in the "fight or flight" response... that's what happened, and it was a stupid grocery store...
I felt bad, like I just want to avoid everyone and every place and just hide someplace...
for me that was the first time I felt something is seriously wrong...

Today, with cipralex, I can tell you I can go into places and just get into a "I don't care" mode, and just be myself... I don't know if you call it social phobia, agoraphobia or whatever but I know I just felt bad.,,

Cipralex helps really fast in these kind of situations...

but I had other issues on my mind too...still do...

Agoraphobia is almost gone totally and the anxiety almost gone too, social phobia and panic attacks are much more mild now, and I'm on 10 MG still... My doctor suggested we increase it to 15 MG soon, to see if I can terminate those thing totally...

I sure hope so, I will update you about it too, I hope you can learn and benefit from your loyal Ginny pig here ;)

*This is from wikipedia:
"Agoraphobia (from Greek ἀγορά, "marketplace"; and φόβος/φοβία, -phobia) is an anxiety disorder. Agoraphobia may arise by the fear of having a panic attack in a setting from which there is no perceived easy means of escape. Alternatively, social anxiety problems may also be an underlying cause"

read more here


here's something maybe can explains how someone with panic attacks deals with situations

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Day 36 - Meetings, Galleries and Pubs

had a meeting with a property owner, new situation - new people , got little bit nourves before, but nothing to compare with what I use to feel before new events like that a month ago, I wonder how i will handle it...


eventually I decided to not give a f$## about it, just flow and see what happens, just came back, it all went good, I talked a lot , I think I controled the situation well, did some NLP stuff which worked nicely - if you have the time - learn it....

Later on went to an art gallery , and to a pub, first few minutes were wierd because I got so used to the anxiety and when it did not appear i was not used to it... but it also went ok, in a cool way... I could be myself again...


Its a shame I drank some beers in the pubs, could hardly finish the 2nd glass...never happend before...I guess its cipralex trying to tell me something....STOP DRINKING...

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Day 34: meeting new people becomes no big deal?

here's a review of what i wrote in that day

* today I had meeting with a stylist girl, went ok, i think she's a very nice person, very accepting and understanding, I think i've made good impression on her, but i also know she's like very accepting from her side too , she made good impression on me too. later the same day went to see a movie - jackass 3D...

OMG....this movie is sick....funny but very very sick... considering the fact that in the past(like couple of weeks ago) meeting someone new used to cause anxiety and panic attacks, it went kind of cool.

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day 14, 15 and 16 with cipralex...

2 weeks now, i do feel a little change, but i cant say its dramatic, hopefully from tommarow i will... have been in the toilet for the 2nd day now, thats cant be good... just had a mild panic attack, i think, it was very restrained comparing with the old ones...met with some people went ok, didnt care too much, which was nice to feel totally ok infront of strangers...also went next to a girl that smelled really good, wanted to say something about it, almost did....but didnt...yet

woke up feeling little better today, even had the power to deal with a business meeting i initiated, which doesnt happen much lately, so its a good sign...still could sleep more...much more, i wake up tierd and sleepy, i do feel as if i just need to place my self in the right place and things will start rolling from one hand but from the other hand i feel as if im not prepared to deal with them...

feel so tired today, slept in the afternoon too, still could not get out of the house...dunno why... i've started working on my new pua project

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Cipralex 10 MG Day 11 - you go where your focus is

you go where your focus is, time to set it on the right things, i went out a bit, was kinda wierd, haven't had any interaction with anyone on my part yet, the side effects slowly fading, but i do feel worse in terms of the anxiety and depression, or more accurate to say i'm more aware of me being depressed....

also i've noticed that i get bored a lot...lately...

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Day 31 - One Month on Cipralex and Moving on....

Its been a month since I've started taking cipralex, I feel a change is going on, feel bit more secured, the anxiety is gone for now.
I talk more often and manage to avoid pointless argues with myself and others...
I can still get to orgasm and actually it even feel better ;)
Just incase you were wondering...

I'm more aware of myself and in a way trying to be less.
will keep you updated.
but still no major change in my life...Maybe I should wait some more...
stay tuned...
bye for now

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Day 24 - I Gained the power of keeping up with something?

Its been a while now that i'm working out, and I actually succeded to commite myself to it and do it everyday. amazing I could never do that before, I also notice I dare to say stuffs more freely, My communication skills are starting to go back the way they used to be. It seems easier on occaisons and sometimes hard as it always been...but in those special times when I do feel OK I communicate good. I still have no confidence in myself or my body, but I feel I just might change things to be like I want...

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Day 13 - Stretching Never been Better!

Today I feel as if I could strech forever, It kind of releases good energy...Yesterday I've been in a situation with lots of people, I think I handled it ok... still lots of room for improvements, but step by step, I also started working out a bit, hope I can continue with it and not quit again....wish me luck.

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