Dear Sarah – I’m here for you

Dear Sarah,

I’m sorry for the late response, but better late than never right?  I want you to know that I read all your comments even If I don’t always reply right away, so rest assure I’m not going anywhere I’m always here for you.

I know your comments, questions and the things you share here are helping me and many others, so keep on doing that.

From what you wrote I understood that you are already took the step to make you life better, which if you ask me is the biggest most important step, to bring yourself to a point that you actually do something about it – and you’ve already done that, and that’s impressive and brave, remember that.

I understood that you’re already three months with 10 MG cipralex, lots of good changes are coming your way…I actually miss that feeling that things are about to change…you’ll probably feel that soon enough.

I’m happy to read you already feeling improvements in some aspects of your phobias and focus problems, give it some more time…it will get better…I think only after six months you actually feel the full effect of it and it’s enough time to prepare yourself to manage without it too.

I’m going to address your question about the heart in a separate full post but I am going to say that: from what I’ve understood and I’m no doctor, but cipralex can effect different people in different ways, so to answer your question, it’s very individual, and if there are cases of heart problems in your family your doctor is doing the right thing and taking it slowly with you, i wouldn’t worry about that too much, first of all there are many people that are happy with 10 mg and secondly there are many other pills you can take instead that work in different ways that got nothing to do with your heart… by the way you have a good sweet heart, I can tell.

So what I suggest is that you don’t think about that now at all… it’s a waste of time, you might not need to increase to 20 mg anyways, look at me, and I’m decreasing to 10 mg now, so we are taking the same amount. I’m really very sorry about your parent…  but what’s in the past is in the past. – remember that too.

Sarah I also want to thank you – for reminding me exactly what I needed to remember.

And I will post more often… J

Take care and keep writing to us too – I read it all…

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You Asked...I Answer

this is a comment I got lately with good value in it...so I decided to post it:

Great blog... im gunna link it in one of the forums I visit often. Cipralex has also changed my life in so many ways, it's really allowed me to get back to being ME. This question is directed to the writer of this blog: I understand that you are on 20 mg right now, which is the highest dose. What do you plan on doing once that dose starts to wear off or gradually becomes ineffective? (humans develop a tolerance to any type of drug eventually). Since you are kind of "maxed out" right now, do you see yourself switching over to paxil in the future? Have you given this any thought?

Hi there, and thanks for that question I guess it may be on many people minds...
Yes I'm on 20mg cipralex in those day, and yes that's as high as it goes.

your question is smart, you think about the future...that's a smart thing to do, I'll tell you what I'm doing:


you're very right - humans do develop a tolerance to any type of drug eventually.
however - humans can also develop "routines" - what do I mean by that? well first of all I would recommend reading some books about how our brain works.. its important for understanding what you need to do.


I suffered from social phobia, anxiety, panic attacks and depression...(sometimes all mixed together... :) ...)


what I'm doing right now(while i'm cipralex) is dealing with, I'm being social and putting myself in many situations i would normally avoid, and i do it again, and again and again...until eventually I start to like it and not think about it at all... so... I hope you're getting this, it important...if you "DEAL" with the situation or the thing that freaks you out again and again and again...eventually as you said:"humans develop a tolerance to any type of drug" and as you know the human brain is the biggest fastest drug lab on this planet...
freaking out or getting panic attacks in situation is happening because our brain produce certain drugs that does that... once you change that... you change your own way of thinking of things and you don't need to take cipralex....


what I'm saying is- if you take cipralex to deal with a problem... than use this time to attack your problem... if you're scared of the darkness...don't turn on the light while you have flashlight in your hand....I hope you got that metaphor...


good luck!

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Day 81: Approaching girls in the pub...

Had couple of new experiences lately, but this post will focus on the more interesting one :-)
it will deal mostly with approach anxiety and social issues...here we go...


You see, couple of days ago I went out with friends to have a drink in a nice local pub, got dressed nice and lately I'm in the mood to get out of the house all the time, or maybe I'm in the mood to no stay in the house all the time...Anyways we decided to go out to get a drink, so my friend picked me up and we drove the place...

 there was nice dub music and nice atmosphere, the place wasn't too crowded...maybe it was still early...


Anyways, we were talking and drinking, I talked with the bar tender a bit and with my friends, than the place started to get crowded and this group of two hot girls and this guy came in and sat at the other end of the place...


Then I felt this feeling again, like I usually would, I just wanted to get up and start talking with one of those girls, drank another beer, than In seconds I went over there and started talking to the all group, and while I'm actually doing it, walking up to a group of complete strangers and talking to them i could hear my self saying in my head "dude, this is so easy! it so easy!" they were really nice, we had some chit chat and a smoke, i found out she's this guy girl friend and the other girl is his sister, so nothing romantic came out of this but, i was so amazed that i did that...ok ok...so i drank some beers before...never the less, I could never do that and never have done that before, because usually i would get panic attack just thinking about doing something like this, later in the same bar i went downstairs to the level below and started making eye contact with this other girl, i felt as if i could act on it and hit on her but something told me to end this night with the success i already had...


this was amazing...I think my friends looked at me with open jaws...that was so unlike me...but I hope this is just the begriming of the upgraded me released... the day after was a bit fuzzy because i drank so much, so i was very tired...


today I'm good, a bit bored but good...


I know what you're wondering...what about the blind date...well there's a storm going on lately, we're waiting for the weather to get better and than we will meet, hopefully in a day or two... but worry not, you'll be the first to know how it went...


note to self: learn to enjoy things, not just do em.


love you all and take care!

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Happy New Year

Well the last couple of days were something, I've been in lots of places and had just to interact with people here and there, which is still amazing for me because just getting out of the house, not to mention being around people i don't know was "an issue" for me, this time it was easy and kinda fun.

Its almost a week now since i've increased the dosage from 10 mg to 15 mg, and i'm starting to feel the difference, I notice slowly slowly how I become more relaxed in past stressing situations and get this "I dont care" or "bring it on" kind of feeling...I like that.

I've to couple of stragers ,was'nt much of a conversation but still its another step forward just to do it and see that i can do it and stay a live and without a panic attack, that's something.

Cipralex side effects are totally gone now... sometimes I forget I take it...

Some folks asked me about cipralex and sex issues, I promise to post some information about that too, I know it effects and important to many of you...

Another things worth mentioning is that I get kinda bored a lot lately, but I guess its a good thing cause it make wana do stuffs...just need to figure out what...

anyways, take care everybody and comment - its important and gives me an execuse to keep writing.

love you all

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Day 54: Cipralex, Wine and Fancy Dinner

Just came back from a fancy restaurant, drank some wine and ate some fancy food with my family, considering all the circumstances its amazing I haven't gave this too much thought like I would do in the (not so far) past,

usually I would think about it before and get into a panic attack worrying about how I would handle it, this time, I just didn't thought about it much, was more focused on the present, I communicated nicely with everyone and with the waitresses and made her laugh too,
it was nice, also started investing more in the way I dress.

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Day 49 to Day 52 with Cipralex

Here's a brief summary of notes I took in these days:

*had some meetings today with new people i did not knew, went ok, later on It really bothered me that I'm alone, I need to get ,myself a girlfriend real soon or I'll go crazy, I hope that after sunday meeting with this stylist I will feel more capable to take it to the next step with that issue and actually do something about it and not just cry about it...

*Went to do some arrangements today, had one mild so called panic attack, I was sweating, and a bit too self aware, maybe because i walked a lot before, not sure, but eventually did what i wanted to do, i'm getting excited for sunday, when i will meet this girl that suppose to go shopping with me, but its best to face those deamons right on THE SPOT, got my mom a good birthday note to self - notice how you feel more free around family and friends.

*Woke up ok, had good dreams for a change,I felt good in the morning, later on I went out for a walk, wasn't that good actually, some idiot yelled at me for no reason, I didn't answer him, I was totally restrained and kept my coolness, like I don't give a @@@@, however i must admint that it did bother me for couple of hours maybe it was less after that happend, than i totally re-framed it and now I laugh about it because he was the one that broke his state of mind, his state of mind actually fell apart... my'n did not, so it was nice I could look at things that way,

Now i'm about to prepare for tommrow shopping session, makes me little nervous thinking about it, but i know everything's gona be just fine, maybe even better than fine, I need to get some style asap, lots of meetings and gatherings coming up, need to feel confident in myself, that can sure help together with cipralex to give me the extra push i need to loosen up and feel free to be myself around people, and just say @@@@ it, that's WHO I AM - you can either accept it and love me as I am or you can just fuck off because I'm not going to give a @@@ about what you have to say anyway...ok, better start preparing for tommrow session now, not much time left, I'll update you and myself on how it went , right now I'm bit worried, but tommrow everything will be fun fine and awsome, I promise. and after I'll pass that challenge with success I will move on to the next step in my master plan...

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Day 37 to Day 44 with Cipralex - Notes

Here's what happend from Day to Day with cipralex:

* Had too much alcohol...

* i went to see some horses today, was nice to see em, but I'm not sure back-riding its for me...

* Almost had an accident with the motorbike today because some idiot cut me off with his car, considering the situation I dealts with it in a very calm way , usually this kind of thing will upset me for couple of hours... now it was seconds, also talked with a new lawyer at the office, usually I get anxiety while talking to someone i don't know, this time, it was easy and fun, also went out at the evening, went OK too.

*talked on the phone with a designer today, went OK, also need to meet a new customer, hope it will be fine, I'll update ...had weird dreams too, the meeting with the lawyer went fine, felt relaxed and free to be myself, i think i made good impression...

*had nice conversation with my shiatsu massagist...

*some co-workers come to visit the office, see how that will go, at least I don't waste time worrying about it....as I usually would...in the past. just finished with this...had to deal with meeting lots of new folks, went OK, someone made small comment that bothered me for a little bit but, now when i think about it ,i don't give a f@#$., but i did for couple of minutes...maybe bit more...

* considering everything I feel improvements, but I'm not where I want to be yet...

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Quick and easy tip to deal with panic attacks

Here's a quick tip for you that can help you to deal with anxiety or panic attacks (but more mild ones.),
what you do is simply focus on the outside, when you start having the attacks, instead of thinking about yourself, think and focus on the outside, it can be some people, clothes someone wears, their face, or anything you can think of, keep focusing on the outside until the attacks is gone... I've tried it couple of times and it works in certain situation, give it a try.

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The first time I felt agoraphobia social anxiety and panic attacks

First time I noticed something is really wrong was went I stepped into a grocery store and all of a sudden felt like I just had to get out of there, The stress levels went up, I started sweating, had problem breathing normally and my heart pounded like mad, I could not communicate with anyone, just the present of other people around me made my body react in the "fight or flight" response... that's what happened, and it was a stupid grocery store...
I felt bad, like I just want to avoid everyone and every place and just hide someplace...
for me that was the first time I felt something is seriously wrong...

Today, with cipralex, I can tell you I can go into places and just get into a "I don't care" mode, and just be myself... I don't know if you call it social phobia, agoraphobia or whatever but I know I just felt bad.,,

Cipralex helps really fast in these kind of situations...

but I had other issues on my mind too...still do...

Agoraphobia is almost gone totally and the anxiety almost gone too, social phobia and panic attacks are much more mild now, and I'm on 10 MG still... My doctor suggested we increase it to 15 MG soon, to see if I can terminate those thing totally...

I sure hope so, I will update you about it too, I hope you can learn and benefit from your loyal Ginny pig here ;)

*This is from wikipedia:
"Agoraphobia (from Greek ἀγορά, "marketplace"; and φόβος/φοβία, -phobia) is an anxiety disorder. Agoraphobia may arise by the fear of having a panic attack in a setting from which there is no perceived easy means of escape. Alternatively, social anxiety problems may also be an underlying cause"

read more here


here's something maybe can explains how someone with panic attacks deals with situations

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Day 34: meeting new people becomes no big deal?

here's a review of what i wrote in that day

* today I had meeting with a stylist girl, went ok, i think she's a very nice person, very accepting and understanding, I think i've made good impression on her, but i also know she's like very accepting from her side too , she made good impression on me too. later the same day went to see a movie - jackass 3D...

OMG....this movie is sick....funny but very very sick... considering the fact that in the past(like couple of weeks ago) meeting someone new used to cause anxiety and panic attacks, it went kind of cool.

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day 13 almost 2 weeks on cipralex

1 day before the two weeks, i think im starting to feel better, the side effect got even lower, jaws are better now, had some pain in the last couple of days in there, anyways, no panic attacks so far, had fun stretching and i really want to get into the game soon. i hope tomorrow the change will be more noticeable, cause they said it only kick in after 2 - 4 weeks...

had an arguments without flushes or panic attacks that's also new to me, usually after i start arguing I feel like the fight or flight effect automatically running lose in my blood, but this time it was restrained well, and besides i need to set the stage for moving

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Day 6 stretching was fun

had a kinda ok morning, after i had hard time falling a sleep, but once i sleep, i sleep good, streching in the morning was fun, also started singing songs from time time...thats new... usually i get an attack before meetings, today i have one and i feel like the attack is depressed a bit, but still there, i dont know why its still there, hope it will be gone totally soon...

also took a 10mg for the 2nd day now... but havent been a week or two from i started taking it... mean while i do see mild improvement... and if thats only after few days i wonder what will happen after two weeks or a month which is the minimum time for it to start kicking in...so , so far the side effects are manageable and much less than what i tought they will be like...after noon now, my teeth clintching again...at chilled again... later on we went to meet with eya and i once again had an anxiety before the meeting dunno why, not too serious this time... also i can say that im still freezing but just that i less give a ...about it...

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Day 20 - Do Not Panic!

Had few panic attacks today but nothing I could'nt handle,
I wonder when will this stuff actually start doing something for me! I mean besides the headaches ;)

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