Friends,
Hope you’re all still in the game and getting better with each day.
It’s been a while since I last wrote something, been little busy lately…
It’s now day 340, soon I’ll be a year on cipralex…it’s time to stop for a second and appreciate what happened this year, how things changed, how my way of thinking and looking at things change – and it did…sure did.
Wow, I’m amazed at how easy it is to get use to things, to get use to feeling normal…to get use to not get use to think too much about things, and just flow.
A year ago…maybe a little bit less, I was so depressed, lonely and living on the edge, in this daily fear on everything I guess… I use to get panic attacks every single day…sometimes even couple times a day.
I wouldn’t go out, I would do everything in my power to avoid any social events and meeting new people was a nightmare…sometimes even walking down the street was a damn project…it’s amazing…just amazing…I can hardly remember how it felt like…which is good, very good. I now walk the streets, meet and interact with new people, I feel safe…I feel I can trust myself.
I have a beautiful girlfriend, good friends; I love my family and most important of all… I guess I made peace with myself… the improvement and changes I’ve going through all this time on cipralex are overwhelming sometimes…
I use to complicate things too much, think too much and I used to feel like I’m not in control…
I always knew, even back then…that I was stuck inside a bubble…or maybe a cell, a prison cell which I build for years…guess how that makes you feel…knowing you put yourself there, knowing your inside a bubble…but just can’t get out of it…
I guess it’s important for me to stop for a second…stop and appreciate myself for doing this for myself… I guess this is one of the most important things I’ve done for me ever…
I do not regret my decision to take cipralex…it was a hard call to make but I made it…and for that I’m grateful too… things are working out, soon I’m meeting my psychiatrist again, see what he have to say…he will probably suggest to continue three more months… but it doesn’t matter, taking cipralex is a very small price to pay for the benefits of rebuilding your life…rebuilding yourself.
Btw I can now say that all the side effects are totally 100% gone, so the only hassle is to take the pill once a day…
I still haven’t told anyone about me taking this pill…and I’m not going to…at least not in the near future…
I know some of you disagree and say its as if I’m judging my friends or gf, but I’m not…I just think that I’m not ready for that yet…maybe society isn’t ready too…
It’s funny; yesterday I met my friend new girlfriend…sounds silly right? Today it is….no big deal….i haven’t really thought about it much…just didn’t care…:) a year ago I would think about it so much I get panic attack all day…just because I’m meeting someone I don’t know…
Things change – remember that folks, sometimes they change so fast, you don’t even notice.
Take care now
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