My Blog, My Diary, My Life.


Saturday, December 18, 2010

Day 49 to Day 52 with Cipralex

Here's a brief summary of notes I took in these days:

*had some meetings today with new people i did not knew, went ok, later on It really bothered me that I'm alone, I need to get ,myself a girlfriend real soon or I'll go crazy, I hope that after sunday meeting with this stylist I will feel more capable to take it to the next step with that issue and actually do something about it and not just cry about it...

*Went to do some arrangements today, had one mild so called panic attack, I was sweating, and a bit too self aware, maybe because i walked a lot before, not sure, but eventually did what i wanted to do, i'm getting excited for sunday, when i will meet this girl that suppose to go shopping with me, but its best to face those deamons right on THE SPOT, got my mom a good birthday note to self - notice how you feel more free around family and friends.

*Woke up ok, had good dreams for a change,I felt good in the morning, later on I went out for a walk, wasn't that good actually, some idiot yelled at me for no reason, I didn't answer him, I was totally restrained and kept my coolness, like I don't give a @@@@, however i must admint that it did bother me for couple of hours maybe it was less after that happend, than i totally re-framed it and now I laugh about it because he was the one that broke his state of mind, his state of mind actually fell apart... my'n did not, so it was nice I could look at things that way,

Now i'm about to prepare for tommrow shopping session, makes me little nervous thinking about it, but i know everything's gona be just fine, maybe even better than fine, I need to get some style asap, lots of meetings and gatherings coming up, need to feel confident in myself, that can sure help together with cipralex to give me the extra push i need to loosen up and feel free to be myself around people, and just say @@@@ it, that's WHO I AM - you can either accept it and love me as I am or you can just fuck off because I'm not going to give a @@@ about what you have to say anyway...ok, better start preparing for tommrow session now, not much time left, I'll update you and myself on how it went , right now I'm bit worried, but tommrow everything will be fun fine and awsome, I promise. and after I'll pass that challenge with success I will move on to the next step in my master plan...